The Lilies Of The Field Are Trying To Tell You Something
hands you a bouquet of purple irises, he or she is actually saying: "I anxiously await your [sexual] favors"?*
( *Author's Note: Well, with any luck.)
Or that, hidden in that lovely collection of fragrant pink dahlias, is a a subtext that actually warns of imminent betrayal and sexual degradation?**
(** Author's Note: Agatha Christie says this is what "Dahlia" means,.Other sources say it's actually what "evergreens" mean, but I flatout refuse to believe all that about my Christmas tree.)
So here is a selection of the Language of the Flowers, circa 1885, and then the Language of the Flowers, circa 2016.
Happy Valentine's Day!
1) Camellia: I live in gratitude of your perfected loveliness!
2) Chrysanthemum: I admire your cheerfulness through adversity.
3) Damask Rose: I worship your brilliant complexion.
4) Fuschia: The ambition of my love thus plagues myself.
[Author's note: "Huh?"]
5) Peach/or Peach Blossom: Your qualities, like your charms, are unequalled.
6) White Rosebud: You are too young to understand love.
[Author's Note:"I get this one a LOT."]
Okay. Moving right along:
The Language of the Flowers, 2016 Version:
1) Dandelions: You're okay, considering. I guess.
2) Poppies: I love you, but not more than I love prescription medications.
3) Carnations:My God, you're beautiful. My God, I'm cheap.
4) Rare Orchids: Aren't these exquisite? I'm sleeping with your sister.
5) Daffodils: Your optimism is touching. If delusional.
6) Asters: These are asters. -No, that's it, that's the message. Sorry.
7) Peach colored sunset roses: Your skin is like a flower petal at sunrise, and I think i might be gay.
8) Red roses: I think you're swell, I think you're aces, and I think it's 1947.
To sum up? Flowers are a beautiful means of communication, wherein you can totally say stuff you mean, and not have to cop to it. The Victorians may have had their flaws, but they have a lot to teach us still. Especially in the area of being completely passive-aggressive and yet, still decorative as hell.