18 October 2011

After The Storm, It's A Pretty Shiny World

  I'll be darned...it turns out what I've been telling my reading clients all these years is actually true.

   I mean, I knew it was true, but was having a wee bit of difficulty taking my own advice. Metaphysician, Heal Thyslef! -So: while I was telling other people that the Universe/God/Spirit really DOES have our best interest in mind, and that the things that aren't working in our life, aren't working because we simply need to course correct...I was right.

A year ago, I was enfolded in pain, selfpity, and helplessness. A health scare, a bad breakup, and unexpected move or three...money worries, the kind of depression that says "oh, go ahead..stay in bed! You're kind of a big dope anyway, so why bother going out and taking risks?" Resentment--"How could this happen to me?"...Swelfpity..."I'm a good person, I don't deserve this"! and self-criticism.." I bet this wouldn't have happened if I'd gotten my roots done!' -I know...fun, right? The next word after these phrases is usually, "Bartender!"

  And then you do start to course correct, because no one can stay in bed forever.-Not alone, anyway. -And you have to look at what's broken so you can fix it, because you can't live the way you're living for another minute. So you make a decision to be happy and successful and loving. Even if it feels, when you're saying out loud during your worst misery moment, about as realistic as "And then, I'm going to climb Mount Everest in rollerskates! Backwards! In the nude!"

   The thing is...when you take one step towards the Light? The light takes a thousand steps towards you. Really. Truly. No backsies. Some part of you means it when you decide to give up an addiction to misery, victimhood and resentment..because that ain't the real you, mister. Or Sister. The real you--buried under all of that crap--is actually, naturally, like a flower that turns its face to sun as the sun moves across the sky. Our real selves always want to turn towards warmth, nourishment, love and joy.-It's a wee bit cheesy. But it's true.

   Now..the learning and change process is not pretty. Not fun. Not easy. Becuse before you have a field of daisies to skip through, you have to clear the field, take out the rocks, cover the big empty field in fertilizer, plant the seeds and then...wait for the suckers to grow. For a long time, it can look like an empty field covered in manure. Not inherently exhilerating. You weed daily, try and take out the rocks that sneak in (no one knows how. I personally believe they have little tiny legs.) and know that flowers eventually bloom.

     My own personal version of this was to just take action every day. Something. (I also am a chanting Buddhist..that speeds the process up.) After my relationship broke apart, and my best friend and my Dad died, and my Mom almost did, and I came back to my family to hear really terrible (and vastly untrue) rumors about myself-and lost my extended family because of gossip--there was a moment when I said "Okay. This sucks. I'm outta here." -Luckily, right after that, there was a moment when I decided that I could either go lie in front of a truck, or take my own advice and use everything-everything-as a damn lesson.

  Yeah. THAT was fun.

   But it was the only way out. So--if people are hurting you terribly with gossip, what's the lesson? Don't gossip ever, myself. Which led to my organization "StopGossipin'". I've got an ever growing board of advisors (shrinks and the like) helping us put together a curriculum about the power of choosing positive speech. And, if I didn't have any money because my fiance was very kindly supporting me? Put together my own business and make my own money. Done! (I LOVE being a businesswoman..and it turns out being psychic really, really helps with picking stocks. My intuitively-picked stocks have all gone up at least 10 percent!)  -If I'm jealous of someone because she's more proactive than i am? Turn envy into admiration, and become more proactive. If my identity seems tied up in my romantic partner's? Get my own identity, and glue it into place firmly with active self-respect and self-love. -Done, done and done.

   In the same way I always used to make myself feel better by doing for someone else, what i wanted done for myself (i.e: want someone to give you flowers? Give someone else flowers and watch their face light up. Etc.) , I had to look at everything i was complaining about, and turn it into a to-do list, essentially.

   It worked a treat. 16 months after I thought i was the most put upon creature ever, I actually DO see all of the seemingly "bad stuff' as blessings. After doggedly pursuing my dreams for the last year--and sleeping on people's floors and going hungry to pursue the dreams--I am seeing really lovely "daisies". I am making my own good money doing something I love and am good at; I can genuinely say I am grateful to my exfiance for having the bravery to know when something wasn't going to work;I don't feel jealous of ANYone, cuz I like myself just fine, thank you; I have friends whose love and brilliance lights up my world; and we'll just stay mum on the romance stuff, but let's just say I smile a lot these days. Ahem.

    I know this is the same template for recovery that one sees everywhere: make a commitment to happiness no matter what; take the necessary steps even -especially-when you don't want to; believe in asomething greater than yourself, even if it's nature and the cyclical seasons; and never, ever take a victim stance again. Keep your communications about others positive and loving or stay silent; work your ass off; love yourself; and, um, get out of bed.

Unless there's someone else in it.

That's all. This is a simple entry, mostly to express amazement and gratitude and joy. Thanks for reading.