18 October 2011

After The Storm, It's A Pretty Shiny World

  I'll be darned...it turns out what I've been telling my reading clients all these years is actually true.

   I mean, I knew it was true, but was having a wee bit of difficulty taking my own advice. Metaphysician, Heal Thyslef! -So: while I was telling other people that the Universe/God/Spirit really DOES have our best interest in mind, and that the things that aren't working in our life, aren't working because we simply need to course correct...I was right.

A year ago, I was enfolded in pain, selfpity, and helplessness. A health scare, a bad breakup, and unexpected move or three...money worries, the kind of depression that says "oh, go ahead..stay in bed! You're kind of a big dope anyway, so why bother going out and taking risks?" Resentment--"How could this happen to me?"...Swelfpity..."I'm a good person, I don't deserve this"! and self-criticism.." I bet this wouldn't have happened if I'd gotten my roots done!' -I know...fun, right? The next word after these phrases is usually, "Bartender!"

  And then you do start to course correct, because no one can stay in bed forever.-Not alone, anyway. -And you have to look at what's broken so you can fix it, because you can't live the way you're living for another minute. So you make a decision to be happy and successful and loving. Even if it feels, when you're saying out loud during your worst misery moment, about as realistic as "And then, I'm going to climb Mount Everest in rollerskates! Backwards! In the nude!"

   The thing is...when you take one step towards the Light? The light takes a thousand steps towards you. Really. Truly. No backsies. Some part of you means it when you decide to give up an addiction to misery, victimhood and resentment..because that ain't the real you, mister. Or Sister. The real you--buried under all of that crap--is actually, naturally, like a flower that turns its face to sun as the sun moves across the sky. Our real selves always want to turn towards warmth, nourishment, love and joy.-It's a wee bit cheesy. But it's true.

   Now..the learning and change process is not pretty. Not fun. Not easy. Becuse before you have a field of daisies to skip through, you have to clear the field, take out the rocks, cover the big empty field in fertilizer, plant the seeds and then...wait for the suckers to grow. For a long time, it can look like an empty field covered in manure. Not inherently exhilerating. You weed daily, try and take out the rocks that sneak in (no one knows how. I personally believe they have little tiny legs.) and know that flowers eventually bloom.

     My own personal version of this was to just take action every day. Something. (I also am a chanting Buddhist..that speeds the process up.) After my relationship broke apart, and my best friend and my Dad died, and my Mom almost did, and I came back to my family to hear really terrible (and vastly untrue) rumors about myself-and lost my extended family because of gossip--there was a moment when I said "Okay. This sucks. I'm outta here." -Luckily, right after that, there was a moment when I decided that I could either go lie in front of a truck, or take my own advice and use everything-everything-as a damn lesson.

  Yeah. THAT was fun.

   But it was the only way out. So--if people are hurting you terribly with gossip, what's the lesson? Don't gossip ever, myself. Which led to my organization "StopGossipin'". I've got an ever growing board of advisors (shrinks and the like) helping us put together a curriculum about the power of choosing positive speech. And, if I didn't have any money because my fiance was very kindly supporting me? Put together my own business and make my own money. Done! (I LOVE being a businesswoman..and it turns out being psychic really, really helps with picking stocks. My intuitively-picked stocks have all gone up at least 10 percent!)  -If I'm jealous of someone because she's more proactive than i am? Turn envy into admiration, and become more proactive. If my identity seems tied up in my romantic partner's? Get my own identity, and glue it into place firmly with active self-respect and self-love. -Done, done and done.

   In the same way I always used to make myself feel better by doing for someone else, what i wanted done for myself (i.e: want someone to give you flowers? Give someone else flowers and watch their face light up. Etc.) , I had to look at everything i was complaining about, and turn it into a to-do list, essentially.

   It worked a treat. 16 months after I thought i was the most put upon creature ever, I actually DO see all of the seemingly "bad stuff' as blessings. After doggedly pursuing my dreams for the last year--and sleeping on people's floors and going hungry to pursue the dreams--I am seeing really lovely "daisies". I am making my own good money doing something I love and am good at; I can genuinely say I am grateful to my exfiance for having the bravery to know when something wasn't going to work;I don't feel jealous of ANYone, cuz I like myself just fine, thank you; I have friends whose love and brilliance lights up my world; and we'll just stay mum on the romance stuff, but let's just say I smile a lot these days. Ahem.

    I know this is the same template for recovery that one sees everywhere: make a commitment to happiness no matter what; take the necessary steps even -especially-when you don't want to; believe in asomething greater than yourself, even if it's nature and the cyclical seasons; and never, ever take a victim stance again. Keep your communications about others positive and loving or stay silent; work your ass off; love yourself; and, um, get out of bed.

Unless there's someone else in it.

That's all. This is a simple entry, mostly to express amazement and gratitude and joy. Thanks for reading.


13 October 2011

"What I've Learned" - Lessons learned the hard way. But learned!

[author's note...who am I to be giving advice...? Um, no one. ...but this isn't advice:it's just stuff I've noticed from living, and written down on cocktail napkins over the years. I don't live this every day, but it's a good feeling to try. Thanks for letting me share what I've learned from falling down a million times...but always getting up one more time. -Eventually. love xo pl}

Greatest Hits: "What I’ve Learned" all rights reserved c Peri Lyons

"what i've learned'

1) Appreciate and accept people for who they are. Don't try and change 'em, or want something they can't give. They're giving what they can give. Enjoy it for what it is.

2) Trust your gut. If your head is saying "no, he wouldn't do that" and your gut is saying "but this is definitely what I'm feeling...", trust your gut. If a new job seems perfect but your gut is saying "NOOOOO!!!!", listen. Etc etc. Mostly, what you feel is happening? It's actually happening. Yup.

3) EVERYthing is there to learn from. How did you contribute to a situation in which you seem to be the pure and unadulterated victim? Okay, cop to it and then don't do that anymore. Usually, the bigger the "victim" you feel like, the bigger the lesson there is to learn.-Which doesn't take away from the bloody awful thing you just went through, but it gives it a much more empowering shape.

4) Have a spiritual practice. I don't care if you worship Kermit the Frog, do SOMEthing. Pray, meditate, chant "nam myoho-renge-kyo"...

5) Don't lie. -Just don't. It hurts you and everyone around you, even if you think you're doing it to be "nice." You're not being nice: you're actually being- um, how to put this tactfully- cowardly AND self serving. Being GENUINELY "nice" is respecting other people enough to be honest with them. Not lying seems hard at first, but then your life gets exponentially better. Besides, you will always get caught (if not at the moment, then-trust me-eventually) and you'll wonder why you feel subtextually awful even if you do get away with it at the moment.

6) Don't cheat. If you are with someone and meet someone else, be honest about it, and/or end the other thing first, before acting on a romantic impulse.Otherwise you've doomed both your chance for a real relationship with the new person, and you've also diminished your own greatness, for a time.

7) Share your strengths, not your weaknesses. No one wants to hear ALL your problems, not really. Maybe for a bit, but NOT all the time. Share your triumphs and joys more. Try bragging rather than complaining!

8) Don't overshare. Especially in a romantic context.

9) Learn to forgive. But don't pretend to forgive before you have. If you're nice to someone when you actually are still hurt, it just muddies the waters. Retreat until you've processed it. Or talk it through. If you can't forgive for a while, dont talk to em. You'll forgive AND forget eventually, then you can reach out. Or? not.

10) Don't make up stuff to torture yourself with. You can't know what's really going on in someone else's head or heart. If your beloved is now with someone else, and you are picturing their life together as one long feast of milk and honey, you may be right--but you are probably not. No one goes dancing down the flower laden path hand in hand singing show tunes together forever. -Unless there are serious drugs involved. -Get on with what makes YOU happy. Guessing about what's going on with HIM/HER, is a waste of time, because? you just can't know. Don't make up stuff to make yourself miserable about.- Besides, everyone turns into a human being (rather than an idealized Other) eventually, in a romantic relationship. She might be gazing at Prince Charming right now and saying "That whole crown thing? Really bugs me."

11) Get some exercise, eat good stuff, don't drink too much. Your mom was right. You'll feel better.

12) Look outward. Reach out to a friend or do some volunteer work. Amazing how good it feels to help.

13) Support your friends. lean on them too --but not too much.

14) Go to every party you're invited to.

15) Say YES. If someone says, for instance, "Do you want to go to East Harlem for the world's most amazing pastrami sandwich?", say yes, not "nooo, it's laaate.' Take reasonable precautions, but say yes to adventures. Fun is good. Pleasure is healing.

16) Keep an open mind. Not so open that things fall out of it, but open enough that you can change your thinking if new evidence presents itself.

17) Fall in love. If it doesn't work out, it hurts, but it's always, always better to love than not to love.

18) People tell you everything you need to know about them on the first date. Listen.

19) Don't gossip. That juicy story about someone else's perceived weakness/bad behaviour/meanness? Don't tell it. It ONLY makes you look insecure and mean. And if someone wants to tell you something? Change the subject. EVERYbody has something good about them you can point out, even if it's your exes new gf. Maybe she's beautiful and makes him happy. Isn't that what you want for people you care about? Don't repeat or start rumors...it's always comes back. Say something good. Or stay silent. Truly.

20) Trust me, karma exists and she is NOT a nice goddess to mess with. Err on the side of respect, kindness and honesty. It may not feel good at the time...but you will be happier, luckier, and healthier later.

19) Always have fresh flowers and perfume!!

22) Find pleasure in EVERYTHING!!!!

And 23) Please: Tell me what YOU've learned!

love and happiness



10 October 2011

The Real, True Meaning of Love. This Time For Sure.

Author's Very Serious Note: 
     The National Enquirer recently printed a simply heartwringing true story, giving the details of a lawsuit filed by a disgruntled magician. It seems  the magician's young wife and assistant, "Bambi" (no, really...Bambi.) attended marriage counseling with Pastor Bob, a former former soap star. Bob  DID help the couple achieve closure. Unfortunately, Bob did that, by running off with  Bambi. 
The poignant note in this story, and the reason for the lawsuit, was this:
When they vamoosed, Bob and Bambi took with them-at least according to the details in the lawsuit--
the magician's--wait for it--
"Specially trained Kangaroo".
And so...a poem was born. Yes. Some things are so..so...well, amazing, that only Poetry can describe them. Deep, dark, heartwrenching poetry.

See below.
Thank you.

kangaroo doggerel: a plea

How could you do
This to me, who
Has loved you so long!
Oh the disaster!
You ran off with our pastor
And that’s not all too!
When you ran, 
you took my heart
My money; most expensive art;
turned my heart deep blue:
Was that you took-
You awful crook!-
You took
My Specially Trained

I see you now, you three-or two;
Just two, without the kangaroo
Or three, if you include him too;
Or four: my poor heart makes one more;
All of us-I mean all of you-
Are riding into a sunset, ooh.
Just you and him,
And me and you,
And a wellworn
And of course,
-That’s not a horse!
It’s way too cool:
it’s our specially trained
but-who knew? so cruel!-

Now I am not a bitter man,
But dear it does seem cruel;
After all that I looked past,
To  do this last thing too:


I forgave you
When you strayed with my best friend
My catchers’ mitt
A vat of organic peanut butter
Some Filipino acrobats
And a cockatoo-
I thought it was just an amour fou!

But now I know better
Since I got your letter.
It was a picture of You.
With Bob,
that swine with whom you flew,
And worst of all,
What hurts of all,
It’s true-
In the middle of the two
of You
is .... Jim:
My Extremely
Specially Trained,
And Ungrateful,

By Peri Lyons, The Poet Who Understands. -Sort of. 2011